human being

i want to participate and have fun in society, too. but i want to honor my body. but i don’t want to feel left out or left behind. i want other people to want to wear a mask around me and not feel obligated to wear one solely because i am wearing mine. i would like to afford to pretend that i’ll be ok if i don’t wear a mask for a given period in a public space. i would like to just put my trust in god. but it doesn’t work that way. if i were to get sick, i know it wouldn’t be my fault, but i would like to know that i put my best effort into knowing that i did my best.

disabled communities are not a monolith. covid-disability and post-viral illness brings out a very specific internalized ableism in people. and it makes me sad. and it adds to the loneliness i already feel. are we throwing in the towel and being ok with mass disablement (if not death) with - now kraken - and other strains out there, and insufficient resources? insufficient vaccines.

i don’t want to beg to feel like a human being and, as toni morrison says, to not be the comic book version of ourselves. i don’t want to feel crazy. i want to live my life normally. i want to be able to have fun in This dying world—not the other alternate realities. it’s just hard.