introvert’s paradise

6:49am

summers in humboldt (2012-2016) were an introvert’s paradise. i’m recalling the times my former partner and i would go to the beach to watch the sunset. he would strip naked and hop into the waves for a quick swim after a mile or so run on the beach. nobody around us. it was just us - and maybe the occasional human or dog that we’d see yards away. but for the most part, it was our private beach in that moment.

the water was always chilly, but i became acclimated. my favorite spot to swim was in a little corner of a beach in trinidad, near a keyhole arch. it was where i found the calmest part of the water to enter and exit - during some of the times i’d visit, anyway.

we’d often go to the lighthouse grill for fries or ice cream. i always enjoyed their waffle cones, and i think he’d get a veggie burger. before we met, i would take the bus to trinidad and walk along the road to get to moonstone or the state beach.

i feel a sense of regret - underneath the embarrassment - for being so disconnected from my body in my early-mid twenties. but it was meant to be, so how could i be mad at myself. how else was i supposed to be? i’m just regretful that i pretended to be someone that i wasn’t/ was still trying to figure out, and to place so much expectation on someone else.

sometimes i wonder how different it would have been if we met later. but the environment that created my perception of romance and falling in love were so apt at the time.

i can’t think too hard about these things.