existentialist vehicle and new terrain

i’m relatively new to tiktok, since i’ve only been using it this past month—without actively searching for the corners of cleantok and celebrity conspiracy theories (but for real, where tf is britney). anyone else’s tiktok algorithm too on-the-nose? i’m being sent to a point at which i’m reaching the feet of a more profound level of existentialism (dread??) that i had no idea i could access. like yeah, i think about these things that are showing up in my feed/ portal. but it’s a whole different experience to hear someone tell you whatever is filed in your brain.

i’m once again in the vehicle, cycling through grief/ acceptance within the cultural and collective landscape of this white colonial fantasy.

here are my notes—items from tiktok that stuck with me since yesterday—that i can elaborate on in the future:

• knowing it vs hearing someone say aloud, “the great depression is happening” (me needing to process this, bc it makes me realize that i have beliefs about the depression from a century ago; it colluding in my mind with the nuance of today)

• “the third space is the internet.”

• the suburbs fantasy was created after ww2 because that’s how america told us to cope with the collective trauma of the war: “we deserve more than our coping mechanism to just be limited to compulsively buying things.”

• “go where your life is happening” /“everywhere you go, there you are” re: my work, “this is it baby”

i’ve been thinking about offloading the app.

unrelated: i wish i could access and print out every single blog post from my diaryland (2003/4), xanga, myspace blog, and tumblr (accidental r.i.p, 2020) but i can’t because they all cease to exist.