playing god

ifor me people-pleasing (or looking at where i can fill in gaps of care for others) still shows up in less obvious ways,—such as connecting people to resources (naming coaches, sending in videos or podcast episodes that aren’t random, but likely relative to their experience). this is a natural part of my personality and something that fills me up for the most part. but i notice where my attachments or expectations occur when i send folks things. like hoping for a “thank you” - because in my head, life is the oracle deck and, “look at this sign or this answer i’m giving you.” but the problem with that is that in a sense, i’m still playing god or attempting to solve others’ problems for them. but it’s just not obvious! and i’m only really becoming more aware of that.

another thing that’s been on my mind a lot lately, is how i perceive my level of consciousness, and how i make an effort to emotionally getting down to the eye level of the person across from me, and like… i don’t know how else to explain it, but “reading” what their self needs/ attuning and reinforcing their goodness because have a knowing (via my internal guidance system - the system that is less likely to judge or get activated, versus the ego) that that is a useful, powerful tool in that moment.

and, simultaneously, i feel the inner conflict and judgment and fear around needing to be 100% genuine. but i think there’s a larger part of me that feels i will disappoint people.

things to sit with at this time.

i burned a handful of pine—sometimes i like to set the burn jar on the ground and do a full-body cleanse, and make sure my feet pass directly over the smoke.